Depression is a debilitating illness and one that can feel overwhelming to the sufferer. The depressed person's family and loved ones can also feel overwhelmed. We love the depressed person and want them to feel relief from the agonizing pain they are in. We try to help. We try to help in ways we think are helpful. We don't usually know what is helpful. This is the difficult truth we face, helplessly trying to hold someone up and keep them from sinking. Many well- intentioned interventions actually result in the depressed person falling further into depression.
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It is imperative not to give up hope. Making sure your depressed family member is getting the support and professional help they need is a priority. Even with a good plan in place it can be difficult to communicate with them during their depression. You may be afraid you will say or do the 'wrong thing'; this is a common fear. Here are three ideas/strategies that have proven effective in working with family members who are depressed. Depression can look different case by case and can run a range from mild and episodic to severe clinical depression. These strategies are effective regardless of severity or perceived severity of the depression.
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Couples often argue about a past occurrence without realizing that they are, in a sense, in two different arguments. One person may have been impacted by their partner’s actions (or lack of action) in the given situation and is talking about the IMPACT, while the other person who committed the transgression is explaining their INTENT.

Both impact and intent can be important pieces to discuss in the aftermath of a conflict or disagreement. However, because there is no formal announcement/agreement about which part they are addressing, the discussion becomes unclear to both parties. The effect of the lack of clarity here is that the impact explainer is seen by the intent explainer as ‘attacking them’ or saying they are bad. The intent explainer is seen by the impact explainer as ‘making excuses’ or minimizing.