Listen:
How many times have you been in a conversation or trying to share something with your partner when you realize that he/she is not listening? Or they keep interrupting you? Many times? A good listener can be hard to find. 

It also seems that most of us overestimate how good a listener we are. Sometimes we may be assuming what our partner is saying and anxiously awaiting our turn to speak, rather than being truly present and listening. The delivery of verbal content is only part of communication, another part is feeling heard and understood. Even if the interrupter who says “I knew what she was going to say” is correct in his assumption, it still damages the communication process and the relationship. 

Empathize:
Empathizing is seeking to understand what our partner is feeling as they are sharing information. Is it sadness? Frustration? Fear? Happiness? Reflecting this feeling back to the speaker can be a powerful communication tool. It will make your partner feel understood. Phrases like “That made you very angry” “ That’s a scary situation” , “Wow, what a great time” are all examples of reflecting the feeling back in an empathetic way.

Validate:
Validation is letting the speaker know that you heard and understood what they are saying. Often, we do not verbally validate because we think “I heard what was said, I don’t have to prove it.” However, the validation isn’t about you as the listener, it’s for the speaker. It makes them feel heard. This helps the communication and the feel of the relationship.

Share:
Only after the first 3 steps have been followed, should we share our thoughts and feelings about the situation. ​

Depression is a debilitating illness and one that can feel overwhelming to the sufferer. The depressed person's family and loved ones can also feel overwhelmed. We love the depressed person and want them to feel relief from the agonizing pain they are in. We try to help. We try to help in ways we think are helpful. We don't usually know what is helpful. This is the difficult truth we face, helplessly trying to hold someone up and keep them from sinking. Many well- intentioned interventions actually result in the depressed person falling further into depression.
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It is imperative not to give up hope. Making sure your depressed family member is getting the support and professional help they need is a priority. Even with a good plan in place it can be difficult to communicate with them during their depression. You may be afraid you will say or do the 'wrong thing'; this is a common fear. Here are three ideas/strategies that have proven effective in working with family members who are depressed. Depression can look different case by case and can run a range from mild and episodic to severe clinical depression. These strategies are effective regardless of severity or perceived severity of the depression.
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